Falling Skies: From The Inside Out
by RemedyRay
Summary: Season 3; There's nothing left for me anymore and I have no idea what's keeping me going. Maybe it's the want for revenge, maybe it's the jealousy. Even though I'm stuck between the real world and halluciations the tides are turning. For better or for worse. ;; I own nothing but my characters and events I added. Search Estella Boland on facebook for the fan page!
1. Prologue

**This is** **the first chapter to season 3, but I will not be adding onto this story until season 3 airs. I will say again, this is to clear up a bit of confusion hopefully with the last two chapters of season 2, as this is written in 3rd person. I hope you like it. I'm not the best with 3rd person, but I tried. Please note, that my story is usually in 1st person and therefore only explains what Stella sees from her own mind/point of view. That's why this may/most likely will have different parts to it. Let's see if you catch on now, if you haven't yet.(: I hope you enjoy, and thank you for reading!**

********EDIT: I HAVE ADDED THIS AS THE EPILOGUE OF SEASON 2, SO IF YOU HAVE READ THAT THEN YOU MAY SKIP THIS CHAPTER. I HAVE DECIDED TO KEEP THIS UP FOR ANYONE WHO MAY NOT READ THE EPILOGUE OF SEASON 2, AND I HOPE THAT YOU ALL ENJOY THIS AND I HOPE THIS HELPS OUT. THANK YOU FOR READING. ************

Estella found sleep easily, cuddled up to Ben. While she slept though, he worried.  
Karen had done something intentional, he knew it. He just couldn't comprehend what it was yet. Karen always had a plan. She was too devious to let Estella walk away unharmed.  
"Oh, sweety.. Please be okay," his hand brushed some of her hair behind her ear and smiled. She was cute when she slept.  
Maggie beat on the window and opened it, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the wind.  
"We're almost there. You ready for an unhappy welcome party?"  
"There's nothing to celebrate, but they won't see it that way. They didn't watch people they cared about die though."  
Maggie snorted, "You got that right. Cozy in their little homes."  
With that, she slid the window shut again. His mind drifted again to the moment not too long ago where he hung, helpless against his will as he watched the girl he loved get tortured by that insignificant puppet.  
His hatred for her was a little biased, after all she's toyed with his brother and his girlfriend.  
The truck jerked to a stop and Ben tightened his grip on Estella to keep her from getting hurt.  
"C'mon 'Stella, wake up," He shook her gently and started pulling her out of the truck.  
"Wait, what's going on?" She rubbed her head, which was throbbing now.  
"We're going back into Charleston. C'mon, I'll help you out," Ben took her hand and helped her step out of the truck. He made sure to keep her close as he led her down the ramps and into the building.  
"Charleston?"  
"Yah, we're back at the mall. Are you okay?" Ben stopped, causing her to stop with him.  
"Oh, I'm fine. Just still half asleep is all. C'mon, we're being left behind," She took his hand and tried to lead him on with the others, but tripped over herself, "Crap. It's okay, really. You know how clumsy I am."  
Ben seemed unconvinced, but walked none the less. People were around them, clapping and cheering at their achievement. It wasn't one though.  
Estella seemed to space out so Ben led her the rest of the way into the mall, past the people to find Anne.  
"Hey Dr. Glass?" He led Estella around with one hand while he pulled Anne aside with the other, "Can you check out Estella?"  
"Uh, sure Ben. What's going on?" Anne led them into the infirmary.  
"I don't really know. She was talking to me for a little bit, then she just kind of shut down."  
Ben had led Estella over to a bed by her shoulders and sat her down. Anne was over to her, inspecting her not too long after.  
"She seems fine. Her eyes are open, and her breathing and heart rate are normal. I honestly don't know what's going on. But that device could have something to do with it, don't forget she shocked her spikes. I don't know if that could've done anything, but I wouldn't doubt it wasn't a planned event. They always seem to have a plot up their sleeve."  
The others had brought Hal in then, putting him on a table in another room.  
"Sorry Ben, but with her seeming fine I need to check out Hal. We'll come back to try to figure her out after. See if she's responded," Anne walked away, leaving Ben alone with Estella.  
"I've missed something, haven't I?" He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, "This seems so much like an episode, but you seemed fine before you went to sleep in the truck. I should've kept a closer eye on you. Since the attack, I've not paid any attention to any problems besides your nightmares. Your episodes are just so rare I-.. I dunno. Come back soon, please."  
He leaned forward to place a kiss on her forehead before walking away.  
Estella seemed lifeless, but a lot was going on in her head.  
_.."You killed her." _  
_"Pip I never killed a girl- oh no.. I didn't know Pip. I'm so sorry about your sister.."_  
She stood, walking out of the infirmary and through the crowd of people, her gaze seeming to see something beyond this world.  
_"I'm confused, Patrick. I don't understand. Ugh, what's going on with me?"_  
Her feet led her out into the city, where she aimlessly began to wander away.  
"Stella? Stella, what're you doing out here? 'Stella? Are you okay?" Pip had been looking for her for a while. When he asked the soldiers if they'd seen her, someone told him that she had walked outside. It didn't make sense to him, her wandering off. It wasn't something she normally did. She liked to stay close. She always had to watch to make sure nothing happened to Ben.  
" 'Stella?" He grabbed her arm and tried to look at her, but she didn't give him any attention. He shook her a little before she stumbled back, ripping her arm from his grip.  
"No!" Her scream echoed through the abandoned streets, "Get away!"  
"Estella it's me," He stood above her and put his hand out, he wasn't going to dare touching her again, "It's Patrick."  
"Oh, Patrick," He watched as she tucked her head between her legs, her body shaking, "I don't understand.."  
Pip looked up to the sky, a worried look on his face. This storm coming in didn't look good.  
"C'mon 'Stell, we need to get inside!"  
He pulled her up and tried to drag her with him into the mall but she refused, trying to break free again.  
"What's going on with you!?"  
Just then, the ground began to shake. Pip was quick to give up and instead headed inside to try and find Ben. Maybe he could do something about her.  
While he was going in, almost everyone that was in the mall began to file out in confusion.  
"Ben!" Pip found Ben's jacket easily.  
"I don't have time, Patrick. I need to find Estella. She's gone missing," He was in full panic mode. Of course he would be, he'd let her walk away while she was in another world. He's seen what could happen if she went unattended, and he didn't want to witness that again.  
"No, she's up there, in the front of the crowd. I tried to get her in but she didn't seem to recognize me very well."  
"So I was right.." Ben shoved through the crowd of people, Patrick behind him.  
As they made their way to the front, white lights began to fall from the sky. One started to fall almost directly above them and you could soon see that it was a ship. Ben and Pip made their way to Estella as soon as it landed.  
Ben knelt in front of her face and tried to shake her back into the real world.  
" 'Stella, now's not the time for this. You need to come back," Ben knew it was hopeless though, and he had Pip help him pull Estella up and back into the crowd with the rest of the people.  
"Ben, what exactly were you right about?" Pip yelled over the noise. Ben's attention went to the ship in front of them.  
The door opened, and out stepped a figure in all black. With it's helmet retreating from it's face, you could make out the snake like skin and human eyes.  
"Well, they came fast."


	2. Chapter 1

**Sooooo. Just going to say this now, I HATE THE NEW SEASON. Because.. they added in a love interest for Ben. Just. NO. BAD TNT. Dx I honestly think this might be the last Falling Skies story I write with Estella in it because of this. :c UGH. Anyways. Sorry I didn't post when the first episode came on. I was gonna wait until the second episode finished to start posting but then I got my gaming computer and Guild Wars 2 and I haven't left my house in a week. ;-; Seeing as I can't find a job that's not really TOO bad of a thing but I really need to get some fresh air. xD So I've been writing while outside to kind of kill two birds with one stone. Enough rambling, Here we go. Time for the probably currently utterly confusing story (That was a mouthful xD). **

I felt trapped in my mind while the time passed. I had been able to piece together that Pip wasn't someone I knew before, that that moment was fake. I knew there was something wrong. It became worse and worse as I began to get moved around. I'd come to and see the real world for a split second and see myself in a different place than I had thought before. My mind wasn't taking in almost any of the world around me anymore while it created my hallucinations. I could feel myself going mad and I had no control over it.  
Eventually I came to and noticed I was in a bedroom that doubled as a prison cell. There were guards at the door and it was locked from the outside. I was now trapped in more ways than one. I questioned how long I'd been here. It felt like just yesterday I watched the alien things come from space but I knew it had to have been longer. Maybe not too much longer - but longer.  
Something inside my head kept telling me to not trust the doctors who came into my room and I began to notice some were real and some were not. Little things like this helped me start working out what was real and what was in my head. Once I was satisfied with my progress I began to sleep again. It wasn't much but it was enough for my body to not fall apart on me.  
It wasn't long before I wanted to test my theory about what was real and fake. There wasn't much you could do but lose your mind when you were locked up after all. If it was fake I'd be fine, if it was real I'd be drugged. Either way I'd get a feeling of relief.  
The day I chose was around the 5th I had counted but I knew that my timing was really off while like this. At first I was feeling positive about it, I was finally doing something other than stare at a wall and yell at nothing. But life had a cruel way of teasing me. The day I chose was the day that I saw Ben behind the doctor when he came in. I hadn't seen him since the night we blew up the laser. Well.. I hadn't processed that I saw him anyways. So it must've been fake. It had to be. I couldn't let this screw up my horribly thought out plan.  
As the doctor sat me down and began to talk to me I tried to point out things that proved it was fake. It was harder than expected this time. Ben being there made me second guess everything I saw. I didn't know if I just wanted it to be fake or if it really was. I didn't want him seeing me like this. This wasn't me.  
I soon gave up and acted upon instinct. I jumped at the doctor and tumbled to the ground with my arms wrapped around him. He yelled for the guards and soon I was fighting against them. The more pain I felt, the more real Ben was looking to me. I was shoved to the ground and guards moved to hold Ben back. There was worry on his face and anger he was trying to contain while fighting to get free to help me. Then, it happened.  
I felt a sensation go down my spine and everything became too clear. I felt someone invade my mind and all the memories and emotions began to jumble together.

_Estella please, please stop this. Please just see me this time._

"Ben.." I mumbled before trying to push myself up, "Ben. Ben's here."  
The guards weren't listening though and smacked me back to the ground with the end of their weapon. I tried to look to the doctor and tell him Ben was here but the guards would have none of that. I was lucky enough for the doctor to be paying attention and he hit a guard to let Ben go. He began pushing them off of me and shoving them back. I heard the doctor try to explain that something happened to me. I couldn't tell if he meant mentally or physically because my body hurt all over.  
"Hey, 'Stell, I'm here. I'm right here," Ben's voice rang in my ear and I closed my eyes tight. When I opened them again I was still seeing the same thing.  
"Ben.." I mumbled again as I sat up. He was helping me every step of the way and checking every injury as he did so. I felt my eyes begin to roll into the back of my head before jumping and shaking my head violently.  
"No," I growled, "I feel funny." My hands went to each side of my head and I felt a warm liquid cover one. Ben's expression showed only worry but I felt the anger in him rise. I felt it. I was connected to him.  
"No," I mumbled again, clinging to his arm and trying to push myself up. He calmed and pulled me into him as I stood. I felt his warmth again. It was calming.  
"What happened doc? Why can she see me this time?" So he had been here before. Was that the test they had kept trying to do? I never understood half of the things some of the doctors mumbled when they came into my room, so I didn't really know what they were doing.  
"I honestly haven't the slightest clue. Let's just get her fixed up first and try to continue to keep her conscious both mentally and physically. We need to keep her in the hospial before we can figure out what's wrong."  
I was led away with Ben clinging to me as tight as he could. People gave me looks and whispered while I passed but none came to talk to me directly. I figured it was because there were so many guards walking around me. I hoped that it was that.

I didn't like the idea of everyone knowing just how crazy I've gotten.


	3. Chapter 2

**Yay for Remedy posting two chapters! I'm actually hoping to post two more today to make up for not posting. ;-; By the fourth or fifth chapter it should have a time jump to a day or two before the first episode. I just wanna tie up some loose ends that would make it too difficult to write her story in with this season's. xD  
**

I had found out it had only been a month and a half since the laser got blown up. Hal had awoken from a coma like state only days before I had finally seen Ben. There wasn't much I could do aside from talk to the doctors. Pip, Jeremy, and Meredith hadn't shown up yet. Ben told me that they were out on a mission but I honestly felt like he was lying.  
"No offense Ben, you know I love you, but I need to see someone else from the outside world. I hate being stuck in here. It's been two weeks since I had my big 'miracle'. And I don't even have to go out there, they can come to my room. Why can't I see anyone?" I whined as I fell onto my bed. Ben was pacing. It was obvious he didn't know the correct way to respond.  
"Patrick.. He's a little confused as to what he should do. And Jeremy is acting like a jerk and won't even let Meredith around you. I just told them to stay away until you get better."  
I sat up then and gave him the most confused 'what the heck' look I could, "What? Why?! You can't help me! Not like this."  
I saw a flash of pain in his eyes at that but he quickly pushed it aside. After letting out a breath he sat next to me and brushed my hair from my face, "Stella, I just can't let them hurt you."  
"They aren't going to. You wouldn't let them if they tried. You always protect me after all," I gave a weak half smile but he didn't respond. Instead his fingers traced around to the back of my neck and I shivered as he touched the spike the farthest up.  
"If I protected you then you wouldn't have gotten harnessed. You wouldn't be here right now. It's my fault."  
I put a hand on his wrist, "Ben, it's not your fault. Everything's been crazy. It's not like the world revolves around me. You have other responsibilities."  
"You're the most important thing to me though. And I left you for a bunch of aliens.."  
We both got quiet then. Yah, he did leave me for a bunch of aliens. Remembering that stung. I let my hand fall back to my side before feeling us connect. Apparently that thought had distracted him just as much as it had me.  
The emotions and thoughts mixed and I saw a lot of things I didn't want to see. His memories of visiting me without me realizing he was there. The pain from not only being ignored by the one he loves, but believing it was his fault she was there. Then I saw the arguments with Jeremy. Meredith crying behind him begging him to just stop. Pip sitting in a corner quietly, not knowing what to do. I had never seen that type of look on his face before. I had never seen Ben act like that before. Not even before the invasion.  
Realizing he was letting me in, Ben brought himself back to the real world and tried to shut me out. But it was too late. I saw something I didn't ever want to see. Ben was sitting with me in my room, before I knew he was there, and I was talking to him like he was Jimmy. Crying to him about how I wished we lived back at our house, how I felt disconnected from the world, how I hated myself for letting my relationship with Ben become such a mess. It was the first time I ever processed another being in the room with me. I wasn't seeing him as Ben, but I knew someone real was there.  
He used my sudden shock to his advantage and pulled his thoughts away from mine. We sat quietly for a moment before he began to speak, "I didn't want you to see any of that. I'm sorry you had to."  
I shrugged, my gaze staying on my hands curled up in my lap. I didn't know what to do, what to think.  
"I'll go get Patrick.." he whispered. He kissed my forehead before opening the door to the hospital room I was in and walking away.  
I had actually not remembered Jimmy dying. I kept thinking he was off somewhere doing something. Now I wished I was hallucinating again. Then I wouldn't have to feel the tight knot in my chest. I wouldn't have to feel like my heart was being ripped out. My fingers traced a spike on my back as I pondered on what he would think of he were here; what he would say about the actions I've taken since the day he died. That led me to wondering about where Brook would be right now. What mom and dad would be doing.  
This was the first time I'd let myself think about a sentence I'd been avoiding. This was the first time I let the words sink in and actually force myself to believe them.

I really did have no family left.  
I really was alone.


	4. Chapter 3

**Aaaaand now I post a third chapter! :D But I might not post a fourth tonight. /: Soon though! I missed writing. Oh! And for anyone that has a facebook and would like to like this, Estella has a fan page! Search Estella Boland on fb and you should see the page with her picture on it.(:  
****Go like if you want~ **

Patrick came in not too long after Ben had left. His smile was one of the most relaxing things I had seen in a while. Ben made me happy but… he was also making me feel kind of bad about myself. He acted like I was some kid needing protecting. I understand why but I just wished he would listen. Pip, on the other hand, came in smiling with his arms open. I jumped up and ran into them almost choking him in the process.  
"Stell, I gotta breathe here," he laughed and I let go. I didn't know I had missed him this much.  
"Sorry," I laughed again and went back to my bed. He pulled one of the chairs up to the bed and sat next to me, his elbows on his knees.  
"So, how yah feelin'?" I shrugged, "I've been a lot better."  
"Ben said you've been getting better. It seems like you have."  
"You talk to Ben?" My expression explained my confusion for me.  
"Only to check up on you. He er, showed me how bad it used to be too. Like, before the invasion. So I can compare then to now and already tell you've made a lot of progress." My gaze drifted down a little, "Oh. He showed you. I guess that's good."  
"At least I know what to do now? Instead of look like an idiot trying to get you to follow me."  
I smiled a little and shrugged again, " I wouldn't know."  
"You don't remember what you saw? You were really freaking out with me."  
"I remember you talking to me. But only the hallucinations. Not actually you."  
"I tried getting you inside," He took one of my hands and held it in his, playing with the bracelet on my wrist, "You were pretty out of it. It kinda scared me. But he showed me what to do now. So I can help again."  
My smile grew and I shook my head, "You never stopped helping dummy."  
"I wasn't very good at it then. You're strong when you want to be," his chuckle brightened the mood again and I took a deep breath before nodding.  
"Well, how is the rest of the world? Anything I need to know?"  
"Oh, there's a lot. You have no idea."  
We spent the next few hours talking about now these new aliens came down to earth and that I wasn't imagining that. They were here to apparently help us out. Mr. Mason was elected president and agreed on allying with them until they proved to be a threat. The harnessed kids were making a living around here; They weren't being treated as badly as they used to be treated. Matt was being a teenage boy and it was kind of breaking Meredith's heart - little kid drama that I found both adorable and saddening. Apparently Matt has been hanging around the berserkers more since his dad became president. Maggie was always with Hal and I understood that. I was getting better, Hal wasn't. He actually couldn't even walk. Ben and Pip have been going on missions together because Jeremy won't do anything but sulk in his room and do patrol. No one knew what was going on with him though. It was beyond any of us.  
After a while they called lights out and Pip went off to bed. I laid on my side and sighed, my eyes closing. I couldn't get to sleep. Not now that I knew what was going on. There was so much I missed. There was so much I was left out of.  
A while later Ben wandered in and sat where Pip was earlier. He took my hand and brushed some hair from my face before I opened my eyes.  
"Hey," he whispered, a half smile forming on his face.  
"Hey," I started to sit up but he shook his head. So instead I scooted over and patted the now empty half of the bed. He laughed before crawling into bed with me, his hand now resting on the small of my back rubbing little circles next to my spikes.  
"I'm sorry about earlier. You are helping. A lot," I nuzzled into his neck and balled up part of his shirt into my hand, clinging to him, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."  
He shook his head again, "Sh, it's fine. I know you didn't mean it like that. It was just a stressful moment."  
I looked up to him then. His eyes were always so beautiful.  
"I love you," he whispered. I grinned, "I love you too." He kissed me then. It was gentle, and caring, and everything else wonderful I could think of. At least there was something in my life that brightened it as much as he did. But, at that moment I learned something.  
I didn't just love Benjamin Mason. I was in love with him.


	5. Chapter 4

**Extra long chapter for my random disappearance! xD My step dad decided to delete the first two episodes so I have to wait for them to record again before I can write about it, so I'm writing a few filler chapters. xD I hope that's okay with you fans. d: I've yet to watch the last two episodes for some unknown reason but I will get around to all of that soon. Hope you enjoy this. I think I'll finish another chapter today too for you all.(: **

Even after two, almost three months had passed I still was always watched. I couldn't really do anything without someone following me around like I was a time bomb. The whole 'she could crack at any moment' thing was really getting old now. I knew I did it to myself before but this one wasn't really entirely in my control. It's not like there's medicine to help with this anymore.  
I was wandering around with someone not even ten steps behind me again. I needed out of that room. I needed to stretch my legs. Ben and Pip were out on a mission so I was stuck alone with nothing to do. I decided to go check on Hal then. I'd seen him a couple of times but I haven't gotten to spend any time with him or Maggie.  
As I made my way to the part of the mall they liked to relax in, I looked around. There had been a major increase in numbers just within the few months I was out of it. They were rebuilding a lot of the buildings around the mall and making it a whole new community above ground as well as below.  
The rec room had a few kids and some older women watching them as I entered. I saw Hal and Maggie sitting in a corner eating a snack and playing chess. Maggie waved me over when she saw me and went back to make her move on the board. Her laugh filled the room when Hal groaned and put his face in his hands.  
"This isn't fair, my brother's the chess nerd, not me," He laughed along with her then and gave me a grin when I sat next to them.  
"You used to be pretty good too actually," I added in, "So you can't pull that excuse."  
"I'm out of practice," He stuck his tongue out at me and I smiled. Lately it was like he had a more watchful eye on me when I was around him too. He was always trying to get me to smile and laugh. I personally thought he was just worried like everyone else. Our relationship before was a good one. It didn't seem like much of a friendship but even before the invasion he was the big brother that had a watchful eye. He didn't show it much around others but Maggie was the exception to the rule. She brought out every side of him. I was thankful for that because that meant he didn't hold back on the jokes and teasing. He made me feel at home even if it was just for a few minutes.  
"I think you just hate being beaten by a girl," I retorted and Maggie cracked up laughing again then.  
"I believe her over you," She agreed before high-fiveing me.  
"Of course I get ganged up by the only two people that actually talk to me," He joked. I had noticed he didn't have many visitors but I kept my mouth shut about it. If he can joke about it then it must not be _too _much of a problem.  
"Aw sweetie, you know I love you," Maggie leaned over and placed a quick kiss on Hal's lips before finishing off her food. Hal's grin grew from just those words. It was amazing, seeing him so crazy about someone. Someone other than Karen. I flinched involuntarily from the thought of her and for a split second I could feel the shocks go up my spine to my spinal cord. I felt myself start to panic but took some deep breaths and calmed myself before I lost control.  
When Hal wheeled away to throw away the trash Maggie eyed me, "You okay there?"  
I shrugged. I didn't want to complain anymore. I was tired of complaining.  
"Just thought about Karen and, yah."  
She sighed and hugged me, "You're safe now. We won't let that happen again."  
I nodded and hugged her back. Her hugs always made me feel a little safer. Which is exactly why I thought of her as a big sister a lot of the time.  
"How's Hal? Really," I asked when we let go.  
"He could be better. Still can't walk. He tries to and can't even take a few steps right now. I can see how much it's bothering him. He's not the same because of it. To me he is, but in his head he's different."  
"I can understand that. I mean, he was a jock in high school. He was always moving his feet. Now he can't even walk."  
She nodded, understanding what I meant before letting out another sigh, "I love the big goof either way. And really all I can do to help is love him and encourage him. I can't just make him get up."  
"You're doing your best, don't worry," I grinned to her. She smiled a little to that before Hal wheeled back up.  
"Sorry Stella, but we gotta get going. We've got a run to go on in about half an hour and we've gotta get our gear ready."  
"Oh no, it's fine," I stood and stretched, "I'll see you two later then."  
After hugging them both I wandered off. I wanted just a few minutes of peace. Without this guy following me. So I went to walk the streets above the mall and see the progress they've made. It really was a wonderful improvement. Before long I had an idea. I passed what appeared to be an abandoned area a while back and circled around again to see it. I could easily outrun the guard behind me and get there before he found me. So I went off in another direction and turned a corner and took off running. I ran until I got inside the old looking warehouse. I began to explore only to find myself at an archway looking at someone who appeared somewhat homeless messing with a bunch of electrical equipment.  
When he turned around I looked down quickly and mumbled, "Sorry, I didn't think anyone would be here."  
"It's fine. Don't touch anything," He was already looking away again. His mind certainly seemed on his work.  
"What is this place?" I walked in and sat on a table that surprisingly had nothing on it.  
"The place I work on the power grid."  
"Power grid? For Charleston?"  
"What else would have a power grid around here?"  
"I'm not really in the loop when it comes to that sortta stuff so I don't know. Maybe another settlement around here."  
"This is right next to Charleston mall. It's not that hard to piece two and two together."  
"My bad," I breathed and looked around. There was lab equipment everywhere. It looked almost like my bedroom, completely a mess. But he acted as though it was organized just how he wanted it, just like how I did. I smiled at the thought. Jimmy and I would always get yelled at for not cleaning our room and the only thing I did to 'clean' mine was get the stuff off of the floor. Jimmy almost never bothered to do that even. It was always me doing it for him to make sure he didn't get in trouble.  
"You just gonna sit there?" the man's voice made me jump.  
"Uh, I can go if you-"  
"No I meant are you going to talk or are you going to just sit there. If you're just going to sit there then you could at least sit in a chair somewhere over there," He pointed at a corner of the room.  
"I didn't think you wanted me talking," I eyed him curiously. He had thin brown hair that fell just above his shoulders and a brown beard to match. His glasses were big and he seemed to adjust them a lot. He wore fingerless gloves like me and a coat with messy every day clothing underneath.  
"Just don't interrupt me when I start repeating equations and I'm fine with talking."  
"So uhm, who are you then?"  
He stopped his work to look at me and seemed to take in my appearance for the first time.  
"I'm Dr. Roger Kadar, once a professor at the University of South Carolina. And you're Estella Boland, the girl who supposedly went insane. You seem pretty sane to me," the end of the sentence was more a mumble but I heard it anyways.  
I snorted to that comment and shook my head, "I am far from sane even on my normal days."  
"I know your story, Estella Boland. You had a family. Your parents died in front of your eyes, your sister died soon after, then last year your brother died. You made a name for yourself doing stupid things and almost getting yourself killed in the process."  
I had no doubt I looked like a deer in headlights at that moment. For someone who seemed glued to his work in the dusty old room he sure knew a lot about me.  
"How do you know all of that?"  
"Rumors. Talk. You were quite the story when you first started getting… worse," He chose his words carefully then, "You apparently made quite the commotion when people tried to move you."  
I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck above my spikes. My gaze went to the ground and I thought about the Karen thing again.  
"What happened to make you like that? No one knew. No one from the mission would speak of it," He was working on his experiment again, "I'm quite curious. Before then people say you weren't as off the walls as you were the past few months."  
"I don't know, honestly. I have a feeling it's from a girl shocking my spikes. There was a moment where I felt it throughout my bone structure, crawling its way up my spine to my spinal cord. It was so painful towards the end. I dunno what would've happened if she left it on my spikes a little longer…" I began to copy his earlier actions and mumble to myself. I hadn't spoken of that moment to anyone yet, "Sorry, I just kinda spaced and kept talking. Er, I should probably leave you to your-"  
"Come here," He motioned to the seat he brought next to him, "Sit."


	6. Chapter 5

**And another long chapter! This one's even longer than the last. o.o Woo! Yay. c: Enjoii~  
****(P.s., I hate Deni. Just. No. No love interest for Ben. Bad TNT people. Dx )  
**  
I blinked once, then twice. I began to wonder if he was real or not but decided to listen anyways. I didn't know what made me trust him to not kill me there. Maybe because he seemed too caught up in his work to do anything to take him away from it. Or maybe because he reminded me of my science teacher at school that always loved to see what experiment my brother and I would make next.  
I moved and sat down next to him. He brushed my hair away from my neck and touched my upper spikes gently. I shivered and felt him pull away a little.  
"No it's okay, it just feels funny. It always does," I laughed quietly and pulled my hair to the right side of my head, "May I ask what you're doing?"  
"I just want to see something," He touched my spikes again. Then he touched the skin between two spikes, the two that Karen had shocked first. I felt a weird tingly feeling go through my spine and I couldn't decide if it hurt or just surprised me.  
I flinched then and I saw him nod his head, "Interesting."  
I let him finish touching my spikes and the skin around it. I noticed when he touched the skin above my highest spike I felt the same weird feeling but it climbed up the back of my neck. That one did feel uncomfortable. I rubbed the spot when he pulled away and spin around in the chair to look to him.  
"So?"  
"There's a few possible things she could've done to you when she shocked you. One of the reasons you flinched would be the pain was strong enough to leave a ghost of it when your skin is touched. Then she could've done it just to make you feel pain. But I've heard someone named Karen was there at the lazer, so I'm going to guess she was the one that shocked you - science of deduction. She doesn't seem to be one to act without a plan as of late. The deharnessing act sure was a smart plan after all…" He continued to mumble off ideas to himself and I focused on rubbing out the feeling on my neck as he did so. I started paying attention to him again once I heard him say something about my spinal cord.  
"Wait, what? Repeat that please."  
He let out an annoyed breath and restarted the sentence, "She could've tried to effect your brain somehow. I don't doubt she knew of your problems so with the new knowledge the Espheni she could've purposefully shocked your spinal cord."  
"The what?"  
"Espheni? The aliens. The skinny tall ones, overlords. They're called Espheni. Our new… _allies_ told us so."  
"Okay, that's a topic for later apparently since you don't seem to approve of talking about them. What could she have gained from shocking me?" I was intrigued now. I was too curious as to what he seemed to know.  
"Well depending on how high above your neck you felt the shock multiple things could have happened. Your spinal cord, pons, medulla oblongata and cerebellum would have been the first to get contact with the shock. And they are key parts to your body. The medulla oblongata controls motor function. The cerebellum controls attention, mental imagery, and coordination. The pons controls sleep and is the bridge that sends your sensory signals to be registered. The sensations you get are only registered because of the pons being the bridge from your mind to the rest of your body. With how you've acted, being such a pain to them because of the actions you've personally taken to hurt them, and with your previous problems, it could make sense that she wanted to destroy you. Putting all of that on top of an un-medicated case of bipolar schizophrenia would be tough on your body."  
He began to rant on again as I processed what he said. I knew the basics of the brain so what he said would make sense. Those would be the first to get hit with shock. I was beginning to like Dr. Kadar more and more as I sat there and listened to his theories. That was still the one I agreed with but his other theories were pretty crazy and interesting as well. I ended up spending a lot of my day with him talking about the possibilities and his work. He was actually an extremely smart scientist. You wouldn't guess so with his appearance.  
By the time I was telling him goodbye it was dark out. I walked back to the stairs to the mall quietly while thinking on what he said again. I wouldn't bring this theory up with anyone yet but it would explain the unnecessary pain when Ben touched me afterwards. And the problems being so sudden and intense.  
When I went to get dinner Ben ran up to me with a worried look on his face, "Where have you been!? We've been looking everywhere for you. You ran away from the man set to watch you."  
"Yes, I did," I nodded, beginning to eat my food as we sat down at a table.  
"You can't do that. He's there to make sure you're okay if-"  
"If what, I go insane again? You think he could do anything against someone with freakish super strength? Really?" I snapped back and sucked in a deep breath before letting it out and eating again.  
"What's wrong?"  
I made eye contact with him then and bit my tongue before speaking, "I'm tired of being treated like a child. I'm just as capable of watching myself as you are watching yourself now. The episode passed. Get over it."  
He seemed taken aback at my sudden cold attitude but nodded anyways, "I'll talk with the general to get him to-"  
"To get him to call off his pathetic watch dogs," I finished for him and stuffed more food into my mouth. He nodded again and went to get food himself. I ran my hands through my bangs and closed my eyes, biting my tongue again. I let out anger from Karen on Ben. Again.  
Pip sat across from me and startled me so much I actually jumped.  
He laughed and shook his head, "Wow 'Stell, real smooth."  
I hit him and grinned a little, "Shuddup, I was thinking."  
"Uh oh, you thinking is never good."  
I hit him again and his grin grew. He made me feel better again and by the time Ben came back I gave him an apologetic smile. He gave one in return and held my hand as we all talked.  
"So, where'd you go off to? I heard you made the slip on some idiot. He was throwing a fit, it was hilarious," Pip asked with a mouth full of food. Ben and I laughed at how stupid he looked before I responded.  
"I found the building where the power grid's operating system is. I was talking with the scientist there, Dr. Kadar."  
"Crazy Kadar?" Pip questioned with a very confused look.  
"He's not really much crazier than I. He just likes to speak everything that comes to mind," I defended him. I was surprised that Pip referred to the doctor like that.  
"A lot of the kids around here call him Crazy Kadar," Ben added when he noticed my getting defensive.  
"I've never met him myself, I wouldn't know if he really was," Pip grinned, "I'm just going off of what everyone else says."  
"Well, people are jerks. I mean, you hear how they talk about us. About Ben and I, since Ben is the president's son and I'm the nut job again."  
Pip stopped eating then and his face got a bit gloomy, "Yah. When I hear people talking about you two I tell them to stop. It's not fair to you guys. As far as everyone knows Estella and Ben were both harnessed against their will. No one knows about your secret 'Stell, don't worry. So I tell them all that it's not your guys' fault that you have spikes. Though there's been talk about you still having your spikes. They're supposed to be gone by now."  
Ben's breathing hitched a little and he gave Pip a look.  
"Oh, I wasn't supposed to bring that up was I.." He bit his lip for a second and gave a sheepish grin, "Sorry man. I thought you already talked to her about it."  
"I know they're supposed to be gone. I don't know why they aren't. But I personally like that they're still here," I looked to both of the boys, "Maybe they're still connected to me because I don't want to lose them."  
They looked to me like I was crazy and I rolled my eyes.  
"Why would you want that? The mocking, the names, just all of it," Pip voiced Ben's thoughts. It was written on both of their faces.  
"Because when I have these I actually have a purpose. Before I was giving myself one. Now that I have the spikes I can do some good because I'm meant to. I was made fun of before anyways. I'm used to the looks and whispers behind my back."  
Ben's face fell and I could tell all of this talk was making him feel both angry and sad. He hated them for talking about me, even before the invasion. He always wanted to do something but never did. And he knew that it did get to me sometimes but that I always kept a smile on my face and didn't let anyone know. Let people say what they want. I'll never be perfect enough for them anyways.  
"No one wants that Estella.." Ben whispered finally.  
I kissed his cheek and put my head on his shoulder, "I do."  
"Why?"  
"Because as long as I have these I'm connected to you two. Being with a de-harnessed boy is kinda tough without one yourself. There's a huge gap in the relationship. Trust me, it drove me insane."  
"You're keeping them because of a boy?" Ben seemed a little irritated now.  
"No. I'm keeping them because I feel like a part of something with them. With my boyfriend, with my best friend, and with the aliens that fought with me. Here, they make me feel like an outcast. With Weaver and your dad being the only ones in charge before it was easy to make me still be a part of it all. But Mr. Mason is president now and I'm not the right choice for much. But when the aliens need our help I'm one of the few people they'll call for. All of us."  
"Well, you've got a point there," Pip nodded.  
Ben stayed silent but I knew he didn't know how to respond. I just squeezed his hand and whispered an 'I love you'. There was something else he wasn't telling me. I could tell.  
Just then a girl with short dark brown hair came running in covered in mud and god knew what else. "Benji!" She yelled and we both looked up, "You will not believe the kills I got on that run. I beat your record by about 5. Maybe six, I dunno," She laughed and stood next to Pip and Ben.  
I looked to Ben and he seemed to have a mix of emotions on his face. But the one I could easily see was anxiety.  
"Uhm, not to sound rude but who are you?" I asked with a forced smile. She had called him Benji. They had a competition of killing skitters. And she talked like she was friends with him. And honestly it bothered me a little because she made herself unusually close to him.  
She eyed me then looked at my hand holding Ben's and gave me a look that I wanted to say was angry or jealous, or both.  
"Oh, I'm Deni. And you are?"  
She didn't know who I was. That was all it took to make me stand up and walk away before I said something I regretted. I saw Pip stand and hit Ben on the side of the head out of the corner of my eye. Then he ran up next to me and put an arm around me, kissing the side of my head as we walked off to another part of the mall.


End file.
